8/18/2025

First Days First day of classes with it being my senior year of college, felt kind of odd but not because I was nervous or not ready, idk I guess I was ready to hit the ground but you know it takes basically a week until stuff really start off. Also I guess with me going into my last year of any education is just crazy. I'm going to be in the REAl real world with a real job and that exciting and scary. But I should not get into that because it would lead to needless rambles. I just got to take it a day at a time. I guess I'm more paranoid that I won't be able to do any of the many things that I want to do, but that kind of mindset is what makes someone not do, but at the same time it can lead to overworking and blah blah blah. I just need to have my passion lead me but be able to not let my doubt and slumps get the best of me. I mean doing this is what makes me not feel bad, but for sometime I always had it the other way around for a while or twisted up with thinking all my pain and shit has to be apart of it. It can be to let out stuff but for it to be a constant idea that one tries to tackle, that would lead to some kind of insanity. I'm in a liminal spot right now and i'll get through it. I just always get so inward because of the fact it is so transitional. Lowkey I think while writing this I came up some more ideas to a vid I'm trying to make about horror that is meant to be comforting. Don't ask me what that means but I think I might of just spat some gold that I can hopefully expand into something. Damn see I should write more, look at me go. One day is down, more to march on into.

8/4/2025

Don't feel like it I'm right now in somewhat of a depression slump. Mainly I think it is cause of coming back from a trip of seeing my fiancée. I really miss them. But I feel as if that was only the catalyst of which sent me to spiral. I did not even feel like writing, but I know that it would help. I mean evrn if it is a couple of words I feel just a bit better. I have been writing in journals since the 6th grade so I'm well versed in my rambling writing jibber jabber. Although it feel odd knowing that people could read this, and it make me feel as if I have to put a message behind what I do. I feel as if I need to shout all of my views and such. Its just a lot ig, I have so much doubt about my future, my ambitions, and just my overall abilites. Im going to be a senoir for computer science and feel as if I'm not that far in my learning. Maybe its just imposter bullshit, who knows. I have been doing a lot of research on P2P connections and have an idea of making something like a soulseek and neocities put togehter. Well tbh I just kind of want to make a Youtube alt that would be better but I feel like I'm over my head and just fooling around with a pipe dream while people actually do stuff. Idk my head is just screaming all kind of stuff at me that it makes me feel stuck to my bed, not wanting to even watch movies or youtube and sleep throught life. Although some screming alt noise music helps out, espically when you have all your windows open and just cruising around. Now that is what I call meditation.

7/31/2025

Make shit (even if it is shit) I have this problem where I have so many ideas but I kind of shoot them down because they just don't feel right or it is just idk stupid. I feel like they are just useless scrap basically. It is crazy the amount of things, espically when I was younger I would just ditch or delete whole videos I was working on because I thought they were cringe. This started to get worst where I would finish whole scripts and such, recording, editing, ditching, come back months later, rerecord because I hate it, edit, repeat. This of course kills any kind of creation and makes one feel not the best to say the least. It gets worse to the point of just half finished scripts, and piles of ideas rotting giving me this overwhelming sense of guilt almost. Then rock bottom hits when you get to the worst of the worst and just give up, not even wanting to do anything as simple as record a camera or write. Just scrolling and looking online for hours, seeing everyone else making stuff and you rotting, being no one. Now I have recovered from this and by recover I mean that it does not happen as much and I'm trying my best to combat it. I have realized that at the end of the day this is for no one really but me. I want to create. I want to get the juices in my head out on something. If people happen to like it cool, if people don't well whatever. Cringe and such also was such a wall for me for a while, but now I just wanting to be me and everyday I'm trying to learn more about myself whether that be throught my life or through the things that I make. So yeah of course there is going to be some not so amazing parts. Everyone is trying, no one really "has it", and the people who say they do are selling you snake oil or have sold their soul to the corporate overlords. I have no idea how to end this in a smart way right now. Uh CREATE, uh JUST CREATE. yeah that works. Could just of wrote those two word to kind of tell what I wanted to tell but I'm a blabber mouth that has to get into the details and nooks of everything. I'm gonna shut up and just let my little motto speak for the rest of the writing. JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE JUST CREATE

7/29/2025

ONE MONTH LATER So yeaaaaah I have not done much with my website, add some stuff here and there but I got sucked into other projects and such. I'm trying to De-Google, which I have done with my PC but have yet to do for my laptop. Right now I'm in a cabin in the middle of Minnesota, with some surpisingly decent internet. The view and all is really nice and sort of surreal in a way. But hey the important thing is that I'm back at it. I fixed up some stuff on the page for a good 2 hours or so today, just housecleaning basically. I feel like I have more to say but it is really hot in this cabin that its kind of distracting. Also the casual depression popping up to sock me out of energy, basic stuff.

6/28/2025

Back and at it I have not died or abandoned my website (at least yet), just kind of been all over. I went away for a week to see my fiancee and family and while I was away I forgot to pack my laptop in order to do anything but I think it ended up for the best cause it was a nice little break for a while but I'm ready to come back and sink my teeth back in. I have a video rn sitting waiting to be fully edited that is basically all formed and set up just needs to be dressed up. I also want to possibly maybe I dont know try to make a game. It would be a very casual deal but I would like to start it an pour a couple of hours a week into it for fun. It is the very popular idea of taking one idea and putting it together with any other one and making a new one that may or may not be good who know, I actually got the idea from a podcast I was listening to tbh lol. Also I have been linked by some other page and been follwed by some more people so hi there. Although most of the people I think just follow back and my site seem to be in the lower average number of views which whatever but I would like to keep making the site better which I think will of course make more people to come and see all the stuff because at the end of the day thats all I am here for. I'm going to be adding a bunch of stuff to the Internet Hole, some more review and writings in Media Mush with more of a vibe to them. Speaking of vibe, THE VIBE needs to be made of which is being imagined, I think it will take the longest because I want to mess around with it more before I full show unlike my normal tinkering I do on the site. BUT you can now look at a neat under constuction page NOW!!!!!!!!! Also horror zone should be rised from its grave soon(well I mean it was never fully made so birthed but it does not sound as cool)

6/13/2025

A bit of a suck, a bit of a up I have lost a lot of steam on some stuff with the site, I have been recording a lot with steams next fest stuff and editing together a dvd collection vid. I have been watching some stuff and going out, but god have things started to melt together. The bed rotting, sleeping everywhere, sitting in a chair for hours, having no real sleep routine, and recent bad weather I have just been slumped. I tried to get up and at it today with doing a whole kind of reordering of some stuff while I cleaning. When I was doing this reorganzing I happen to have a bottle to fall from a shelf and not break but instead hit my phone on the little pinching left hand side and hit it at the right speed and angle and was able to shatter a nice little hole that broke the screen protector, the screen, and even a bit further to see a tad inside. I did not even realize what happened until like a minute after when I actually picked my phone up from dresser top. I'm lucky I got an old phone thats a bit wacky but works so I switched up everything and now have that for my phone, which hey if it can watch vids, listen to music, and contact people I will always be fine. I would of only been bummed a tab if it was just this but I also got rejected from a job cause jobs are hard to find, which leads to my lack of funds and of course I'm not out of weed. It just seems like a lot small things have come to me at once in every way. Also the lack of any routine or state of being is very liquid right now so that not in my favor. Idk, it just kind of felt like 1 step back and 2 steps foward deal or at least me trying my best to make it that. everything will be fine.

6/6/2025

MORE WEB WORK I have gotten a lot sorted out in the site we a pretty serviable intro page, a media section of the site, some small edit to the internet hole, with more on the way (later today hopefully) Might also redo the blog because it could use some spicing up and overall more spunk. Going to add some more writing to basically settle into my new little vitural home although there is a lot of work that needs to be done,of which I feel will be the case most of the time but hey you know the saying, if the home web is not in a contast state shifting formats,updates, and barely held together then is it even real a home web. I DON"T THINK SO! So yep guess this is my housewarming phase rn. Wonder if I have any neigbors with gifts for me hum. Idk lol but if you want to say hi say hi : hridhaan.skylen@msitip.com OH I also no longer have the pinboard, it is going into a archive where I will put old pages of yester time there which I should of though of a while ago when I made all of those mock sites for my CS class and then delete them but hey at least we are saving the horrible ones lol. Pinboard has been replaced with a place called the VIBE of which will be under work for a while. It will be a larger and more immersive pinboard. Also Horror Zone should be getting some framework and such done here soon

6/1/2025

Website Work I have been working on and off on the site for a week now and I can say that it is a lot better but also worst in some ways. A lot of the good is from templates of which I edit a bit up to what I need and the else where is just me trying to pull something off with whaterver I can find and see if it work (aka my Internet hole page). I mean at least the homepage has some more with Burt and all the other decor of which I plastered around that may or may lead to some more part of this website to explore soonish. Although I think the home still may need some more maybe stamps, buttons, what have you add ons. I'm wanting to make a decent website redo and make a video hopefully in two week or so with my website tour of which would go along with the wacky web I just uploaded. But also I just want it to look better because it has bothered me for all to long now with me trying to breath some life into it

5/30/2025

Blog Beginning

Hopefully this is a well enough made little place for me to start just blogging random stuff so I can show it off and force others to enjoy.